You Do Not Need A Editor

There are at least a dozen different kinds of book editors. Do you know the difference between hard editing and soft editing, or what developmental editors, technical editors, line editors, acquisition editors, project editors, executive editors, substantive editors, HTML editors and copy editors do? Of course not -- and neither do most people. If you don't know what editors do, stay away from them! You can go broke hiring book editors, and delay making money by years while these high-priced, thick-lensed nerdy misfit English majors destroy your work.

Editors are notorious for distorting an author's 'authentic voice,' turning macho into feminine or vice-versa, rearranging your sentences and paragraphs or even removing words and entire sentences. They make drastic changes in your book to make it conform to the dictatorial Chicago Manual of Style. (CHICAGO? Do you want to obey Al Capone and Rod Blagojevich? Of course not.)

When normal people are relaxing, editors discuss the the Oxford Comma, subordinate clauses and blind folios, debate the merits of footnotes v. endnotes, and fight over which numbers should be spelled out. These geeks have no lives.

Editors are your enemies!

Don't let word-nerds wreck your book. Stay far away from editors. Editors are just a bunch of pompous, power-mad manipulators who can't write well enough to be actual authors but are compelled to influence what people read. They are jealous of authors and want to destroy them.

Word combinations that snotty and snobby editors think are mistakes are your personal style, and should be preserved for posterity. It's ridiculous for you to pay money so someone you don't even know can ruin your great book. Lots of editors create errors while trying to correct what they think are errors.

The most popular book of all times is the Holy Bible -- and the Holy Words of God didn't need any editors. The Good Book is perfect just the way it is (no one cares that it includes different versions of the Ten Commandments), and readers should read your precious words just the way they come out of your head. Microsoft Word has a built-in spell checker and it will take care of any spelling mistakes just fine.

The people who make political signs don't need no editors neither, and their messages are powerful just the way they are. Nobody cares if words are not spelled the way an English teacher prefers, or if some funny curly thingees are in the wrong place or are left out. Nobody cares which way a quotation mark points or if a couple of letters are left out.

Do you even know what a subordinate clause is? Or a gerund? Or an adverb? Do you think about past participles, past perfect and the subjunctive case? How about the predicate nominative? Of course not. Don't worry about details. Just write.

Languages are not 'fixed' or 'static.' Languages evolve, and you can help to make English more suitable for the 21st century. Write what you want the way you want.

Shakespeare invented words. You can, too. If you think "glofzinoxbro" is a cool word, just use it. President Trump gave us "covfefe" and it became very popular.